positive thinking (ke?)

THE CLOSEST YOU ARE TO THE SUCCESS IS WHEN YOU EVER THINK OF GIVING UP

bila bercakap tentang give up,

yes,dah banyak kali aku mengalami rasa 'give up' ni. 

tapi tapi tapi, 

i'm not,since the worst thing to do in life is, give up!

if you ever feel like NOTHING that you do is doing fine, 

what you think is worthless, 

or maybe there's too many things you want to do, like you are a successor to do many things once, then everything is just blowing up to the sky,spreading like bubbles.meaningless. 

kalau dilihat dari sisi positifnya, everything you do, is priceless.

apa yang kita buat, cuma kita je yang mengalami rasanya, perasaannya, dan ilmunya.

tiada siapa yang tahu walaupun berpuluh kali kita bercerita hal yang sama.

pengalaman yang tak ternilai.

as i'm in master's degree now, fulltimer and partimer as research assistant too in UTM, Skudai.

pernah beberapa kali rasa nak quit. quit from master AND job.

sebab yang terlalu complicated. too many things i need to think and do

especially, when i'm in 2nd semester. 
dengan study, assignments, projects, test, quizzes, preparing for proposal,
and at the same time, a lot of RA work to do, updating accounts, claims,
and, think of attending the kenduri kendara kawankawan,

kalau nak diikutkan otak, bila semua benda datang dalam pada masa yang sama, 

everything will burst out.

pernah mengalami saatsaat meletup,semua orang akan kena marah, semua orang akan tanya kenapa muka macamtu.

and yes, masa tu la akan terfikir untuk give up!
tapi kecewa dengan diri sendiri bila tak kuat nak buka mulut to tell prof i want to resign.
dah 3 or 4 kali jugak try untuk bgtau. tapi....... T.T
so now, i'm still working as RA and still a student of master's degree.
mungkin kata hati lebih kuat,alhamdulillah.

dan satu lagi pengalaman yang paling takut akan berlaku, at last berlaku jugak.

and it happen a few times. beberapa kali. *sigh

i'm waiting for a guy to accept me for who i am before, now and if possible,forever. a guy who i am in love with for almost 6 years since the first chitchat thing, a guy, ONE of my precious person in life, not most yet.

nak dijadikan cerita, the latest thing happen is when he give a positive reaction, 

please me to come for his convocation day, thanked me for a beautiful flowers with a beautiful words, he showed he's happy, he said he doesn't mind if everyone know i come here for him,

i attended his convocation, i met his parents and family members,

but but but, he just rejected me then. just for a few days after we met.

and he said, 

"its better now. at least you have time to other things.its not that i'm too choosy, but after what we go through, i'm not happy when i meet you." 

i really thought that we can start the new us, he will start to know me back.

walaupun kita sama2 diam, sama2 buat tak tahu to each other, 
i just know that, "i'm always with you". (sorry,terjiwang.kihkihkih)
dan sebenarnya selama ni pun, memang jarang contact,
just afraid he will feel so annoyed, feel disturbed, and for sure, 
if he want me to keep silent, i will. and i just will.
when this thing happen for a few times, i'll feel depressed, anyone will give up i think.
friends adviced to let it go, and just accept someone better. 
the closest you are to success is when you are giving up. 
siapa tahu bila masa kita akan berjaya?at least i'm trying.
sampai masa jodoh tak ada, he have someone better, at that time then i will give up.

oh, kalau dia baca ni habislah. i'm too open? atau sepatutnya cuma diamkan diri? 
ok lah, this is just for you guys, i'm sharing. XD

and its fun actually to write everything what we feel. 
nak menulis dengan pen malas sangat kan,menaip pon jadilah.

so, DONT GIVE UP! :P percaya lah dengan kata hati kita. you will find a better way, and success will be yours..haha

tata